Fussy Eating and Siblings: Balancing Different Needs at the Same Table
Feeding one child can be challenging enough — but throw in siblings with different appetites, preferences, or even allergies, and mealtimes can start to feel like a juggling act. If you’ve found yourself cooking multiple dinners, negotiating bite counts or wondering how to keep peace at the table without giving in to every demand, you’re not alone.
As a paediatric food consultant and Norland Nanny, I’ve supported families across the world who are navigating these exact challenges. Here’s what I’ve learned (and what actually works) when you’re trying to support a fussy eater and their sibling(s) — without losing your mind.
👩🍳 1. One Meal, Many Ways (But Not Many Meals)
It’s tempting to make different dishes for each child — especially when one is a fussy eater and the other eats well. But this approach can lead to more stress and reinforce picky eating habits over time.
Instead, try a “build your own” or deconstructed approach:
Taco night? Offer the elements separately so each child can build their own plate.
Pasta dish? Serve the sauce on the side.
Sandwiches? Offer a few filling options in the middle of the table.
You’re still offering one meal, but with flexible options — keeping fussy eaters included, and adventurous eaters satisfied.
🧠 2. Watch the Language at the Table
What we say around food matters — especially when there’s a fussy eater and a non-fussy sibling.
Avoid labels like:
“He’s the picky one.”
“Why can’t you eat like your sister?”
“You always eat everything, don’t you?”
Even casual comparisons can create tension, shame or pressure. Instead, aim for neutral, positive language:
“Everyone’s learning to try new foods in their own time.”
“It’s okay to like different things.”
“You don’t have to eat it, but you can keep it on your plate.”
This builds a calm, respectful atmosphere that supports all children at their own pace.
🧒 3. Avoid Using Siblings as 'Examples'
It’s easy to fall into the trap of pointing out one child’s good behaviour to motivate the other — but for fussy eaters, this often backfires. Instead of encouragement, they may feel embarrassed, singled out or resentful of their sibling.
Rather than, “Look, your brother tried his peas — you should too,”
Try, “Well done for having a look at your peas today — that’s a great start.”
Praise based on each child’s individual progress is far more effective than comparing them — especially when one child is naturally more adventurous.
🎯 4. Set Clear Mealtime Boundaries for Everyone
Children thrive on knowing what to expect — and so do fussy eaters. Set simple, consistent mealtime expectations that apply to all children, like:
Meals are eaten at the table.
Everyone stays seated until mealtime is over.
Trying is encouraged, but eating is never forced.
When these boundaries are the same for everyone, the fussy eater doesn’t feel “different,” and siblings know the rules apply to all.
🍓 5. Use Safe Foods as Anchors
Safe foods (the ones your fussy eater consistently accepts) are essential — and they benefit siblings too. You don’t have to make entire meals out of safe foods, but having 1–2 familiar items on the table gives your fussy eater something to fall back on and reduces stress for everyone.
Bonus: if a sibling sees that food is available to all, it reinforces that it’s just part of the meal — not a “special” item for one child.
💛 6. Be Kind to Yourself
Managing different needs at the same table is no small task. If some nights end in tears (yours or theirs), it doesn’t mean you’ve failed — it means you’re human. Supporting a fussy eater and nurturing sibling dynamics is emotional work. You’re doing a brilliant job by simply showing up, trying your best, and seeking support when needed.
🌟 Final Thoughts
Mealtimes with siblings can be a challenge, especially when fussy eating is part of the picture. But with patience, clear boundaries and a child-led, shame-free approach, it’s possible to create a table where everyone feels safe, see and supported — even if they’re not all eating the same thing.
Need tailored advice for your family?
Book a free 15-minute call — I’d love to help you turn mealtimes into calmer, happier moments for everyone.
All the best and happy eating,
Holly x
